A Date With A Human

I do not even know how to begin about the night. By all the goddesses on all the moons, I am a happy pixie, but then I am also a happy human girl and yet I am very torn between the two.

Movies are marvelous things. More marvelous than the liquor store or dandelion wine and fresh sugared daisies. Especially when you are cuddled against a handsome and good-smelling human man while you watch them.

Which he did give me, after all, daisies. In a little bouquet. He said he noticed that I buy them every time I come to the store and so I must like them. I have refrained from eating them so far, in fact I am staring at them now, sitting in a little jar filled with water and sitting on the corner of the desk I use for my computer work.

But I suppose I ought to start from the beginning, yes? Yes I believe I ought.

I was nearly late for how often I changed how I looked. I consulted several sources on the Internet and determined that a movie did not require any sort of formal attire, but I did not want to wear anything he had seen me in before and I wanted to look nicer than usual because I want him to know that this was a special thing for me to do. I even combed my hair and put it up on the back of my head, then put on the funny face paints and powders the way the magazines I have read told me to do.

I must say that before I left, I looked very pretty.

For a human, anyway.

He was leaning against the little black vehicle just outside of his work. I was wearing a little rose petal colored dress that brushes my knees when I walk and he stood up and said that it was very pretty. He wore jeans and a jacket over a blue shirt – I wondered if he did that because I told him that his eyes look pretty when he wears blue.

He opened the door of his car for me, which my reach has told me is a very manly gesture, and then he got in and smiled at me, and looked as nervous and excited as I felt and then we drove off.

We talked a little on the way to the the theater, me mostly about how I have never seen a movie in a theater, though I did manage to omit the story I have about how I used to hang around theater stages and blow out the candles they used to light the stage as a prank.

I do not believe I am allowed to talk about being a pixie in human form. That was something they did not actually address in my “de-briefing,” perhaps because it is so obvious. Someone should tell the Council that the obvious is not always so easy to define.

We got to the movie theater, and he walked around and opened my door for me, and even took my hand to help me stand up. I know I turned red just like when I was talking to him on the phone, so I looked down and smiled, hoping to hide. He kept ahold of my hand and led me into the theater and we bought tickets for some romantic movie he thought I might like.

Which I did. But what I liked even better was the big bucket of salty popcorn we got. (He could not believe I had never tried it before, and seemed to very much enjoy watching my first taste of it.) If you have not had this be fore, it is dried corn kernels that are heated up until they burst open into a fluffy little crispy ball and then the popped kernels are covered in butter and salt. It is amazing.

We also got a couple of the bubbly and sweet drinks humans like to have stashed everywhere, and went into the theater. It is a big room full of seats all facing the screen, just like in a normal theater, and it is dark. We sat down away from the few other people in the room and chatted some about food and some other things while we waited for the movie to start, and he actually told me that if I like popcorn so much, it is possible to make on the stove, and he told me how. I will be trying it as soon as I am able because I really do like popped corn. Between the two of us eating from both enjoyment and nervousness (I eat when I am flustered at least) we were done with it when the move started.

The lights went down and there were several “pre-views” and then the theater went utterly dark for a minute, and in that time, just quiet and quick as could be he kissed my cheek.

It was very hard to pay much attention to the movie after that, but I did like it a lot. I especially liked the bits where the characters kissed, but those distracted me even more because he had his arm around me and all I could think about was what it might be like to kiss him.

After the movie, we walked to a nearby ice cream store (called a parlor) and he ordered me a cone. He even thought to ask me if I had eaten much ice cream, probably because of how my eyes got all wide when I stared at the long case filled with more favors than I even imagined existed in the world, and he ordered for me, on a sugar cone, which is a flat piece of flour and sugar rolled out and cooked into a cone shape, then the ball of ice cream is set on top. This gave me something to do, which helped me relax, because to eat the ice cream this way you hold it by the cone and lick the ice cream, taking care to keep up with it melting. We strolled through the rows of shops and ate and talked some, and I found out that he grew up in some other place called Cincinatti, and that he has a sister, though I am sure his sister isn’t awful like mine, and that he is twenty nine, and he wants to go to school to be a teacher but doesn’t have the money for that yet, but he is staying with his father here in town to save up.

Then he asked about me, so I told him my cover story – the one where I am the troubled child of the family, and so my benevolent sister has decided to put me in a house she owns and she pays me to take care of the place and fix it up. He I’d he thinks I am probably more sheltered than trouble.

If only he knew what kind of trouble I have gotten myself in. I wanted to tell him, I thought the whole predicament might even make him laugh. Normally I am not so awkward around males, I mean, I’m no virgin pixie – I have as much of a thing for handsome elves as my sister does, but this is the first human I have ever had feelings for. And i am awkward because I do not know human courting rituals (I am disinclined to believe the depictions on television), and there is so much I cannot talk about. It all adds up to awkwardness.

But Ryan is very good at putting me at ease. He drove me back and dropped me off in front of my house, and even walked me to the door. (I noticed the neighbors, both of them, the nosy ones, watched us from their window.) I told him he could come to the door but not inside because I have not learned to clean a living room yet.

That made him laugh. I like it when he laughs.

We stopped on my front step and he told me i’m not like anyone else he knows, which is not surprising because he probably doesn’t know any other imprisoned pixies, or if he does they are probably better socialized than I am.

I started to say something back, but then he kissed me, this time on the lips. I have never kissed a human boy before, but this was far beyond my expectations for what it could be like. Far beyond.

It made me sorry indeed I did not feel comfortable with my house enough to drag him inside and continue.

He seemed equally sorry. Eventually, he pulled away and told me to go learn to clean a living room and fast. And to clean the bedroom too, if that was an issue.

I blushed and agreed. And promised to come by the shop first thing in the morning to get what I would need to pop corn, and then we could talk about when he will come and make me dead cow to eat.

He reminded me that is called “beef,” then he kissed me again and left.

I have no idea how I will be able to sleep tonight. All I can think about is Ryan – I have not been this enchanted with anyone since I was a teenage pixie full of hormones.

I will be much more motivated to clean my home now.

(1,572 words)



I Have Been Asked on a Date!

I was bored today, despite the abundance of things to be done around my house, and so I decided to use the number Ryan gave me a try. He answered, and I nearly jumped from my human skin when I heard his voice, then I got all flushed – I have a big mirror on the door of my closet and I was sitting on my bed when I talked to him, and I could watch my face go from pretty and pale to absolutely flushed red when he answered the phone.

I stuttered a few times, actually quite a lot, and so he finally guessed it was me, and I could say “yes” at least.

He said that he was glad I called because he had been thinking about me, and that it was his day off.

Did I want to go to a movie with him?

I did my best to say yes quickly so he wouldn’t think I didn’t want to, though I think I stared into my human reflection for a long time, being stunned and terrified. But I do want to go somewhere with him and he is such nice conversation at least when there are groceries to talk about.

But what could I find to talk about when there was not food to discuss and when I could not simply buy my things and flee when I was awkward and unsure of what to do next?

Then, I realized I had said all of this out loud, and that Ryan was laughing very hard.

I thought I might die. It was a very interesting feeling of being ill and thinking I could melt into a puddle if only I could convince myself to not be solid anymore. I turned even more red then pale and decided I wasn’t doing myself any favors by looking at the mirror.

Flora has always said that I have no barrier between my mouth and my mind. Now I am wishing I’d let her hex me with a silence spell when we got in a fight years ago over something I said to her husband (now ex-husband)* at a spring festival when I had a few too many sips from the liquor offerings the village had left out for us.

I was quiet on the phone for a minute, trying to think of what else I could say, but Ryan was very nice and helped me. He said that part of the reason to see a movie is because then we won’t have to think of much to talk about and we will be in a dark theater and then if we aren’t sick of each other he will buy me ice cream and we can talk about the movie.

I have only had ice cream once when I stole some from a child in exchange for finding him a four-leaved clover. It was amazing, and I had nearly forgotten it.

I made a few squeaking noises from my throat that he seemed to understand was me accepting his offer. He told me to meet him at his work at seven, and then he would drive me to the theater.

I instantly called Flora, who is my Council Appointed Representative to request permission.

She said she was very happy I could find a young man to court me so soon living in the human world and did he have anything wrong with him to make him think it was a good idea to go out with me? I told her to shove it and give me permission, which she did, though rather curtly, and she told me to get home by midnight.

I asked if I would turn into a pumpkin if I did not, and she hung up the phone.

I won’t press my luck, though. We probably won’t be out all that late.

Now, I must go figure out what to wear. Oh, this is so very exciting! And frightening. I have never been to a movie before, unless you count watching the few on the television services and such, but I am totally unsure of the procedure, and I know no one who could tell me. Ryan seems to be able to tell I am not wordly, so I want to believe he will not think I am too odd after all, but what if he doesn’t like me? What if I do something wrong at the movie? Am I supposed to just sit there? What do I do? What if he tries to hold my hand?

I wish someone out there would write a guide on how to go on a first date with a human boy. I am so nervous! Should I take I’m flowers? If he gives me flowers should I eat them right away or wait until I get home? Should I share them with him if I eat them?

Wait. Humans don’t eat flowers. I remember that.

Except those artichoke things. I would like to try those. I wonder if Ryan knows what they are and how to cook them. Oh good, at least now I have something to talk about. And for now, if he gives me flowers, I shall refrain from eating them until I know if it is normal. I must try to be normal and not frighten him away.

Wish me luck!


*I still maintain that is is not my fault that he left her, and I only asked him if he knew about the troll she dated before they got married because I was trying to track him down for a story I was doing about dating someone who is already engaged to someone else. I had tried asking Flora if she knew where he was, and she didn’t want to say, so I thought I would ask her husband. I might have been a little tactless in the manner I asked, but I maintain that he overreacted by calling his divorce godmother right then. There was no reason for me telling him Flora cheated on him with a troll to end anything – I mean, other than the fact that she was still seeing the troll a couple of times a year. It was so blatant, I just assumed her husband must know and be okay with it.

(1,038 words)