Good News and an Excerpt

Good news, friends! Due to my continued diligence at not attempting to use magic (due in part to the fact that I cannot, of course, to which I am grateful to the Council as they were the ones who took my magic away), I have been granted a trial period in which I will be able to leave the house without a Council-appointed chaperone* on short visits to obtain food and other things. If I am able to do so without “causing trouble”, then I shall be granted a vehicle of some sort and even perhaps employent in a human facility once I have been “socialized to be able to interact with humans without arousing suspicion of Otherness or insanity”. I suspect that last bit is a very long ways off for one such as me, but I do look forward to being able to venture from my property without my dearest Flora nipping at my heels like a pizzagus beetle.

As part of the preparations for my limited freedoms, the Council has given me a rather thick pamphlet to help me called “Regulations and Restrictions of Magical Influences and Abilities: A Handbook for Application”**. Inside of it are lots of rules and regulations, as one might expect. Many of them do not apply to me, thankfully, but I will be posting a few excerpts as I think they might be of use to my dear magic less friends who read this blog.

Also, the Council has gifted me very odd contraption with two wheels and a seat and funny handles all held together by metal poles and things. It’s called a “bicycle”, and they tell me it is for getting around on for now. I… well, there are just not words for the thing. I suspect it will take me longer to try than the vacuum contraption.

Anyway, below is an excerpt from the Handbook (I have edited some for long-windedness) for what to keep out of your home. It may come in handy.

*I did not realize that Flora has been aiding me at the behest of the council. This is most interesting, and I must resist my curiosity getting the better of me. I am here because of it, you know.

**How do they name these things? Why don’t they just call it “Boring Lists of Ways You Can Get Into Trouble”?

 

IN THE HOME:

In the generalized household area is the most common place for magical contamination. Before beginning your practice of magical avoidance and cleaning the house, please clear the home, or if you are unable to handle such items yourself and avoid any further bringing in of the following such items:

  • Candles other than for decorative eating occasions or emergency situational kits.
  • Crystals and stones not on the approved materials list (Appendix f) which have been procured from any ”new age” or otherwise mystical establishments and intents, including Asian organizational shops and other human trinkets made with the intent of channeling or altering magics. As well as any tokens to help channel the creation of wealth, well being, health, or any other totems or talismans. Please call upon your area representative for herbal remedies and human drugs, as these are often powered by superstition instead of actual effectiveness.
  • All reference material to any religious affiliation such as bibles, dictionaries, grimeiores, creature dictionaries, prayer books, I ching, and other religious materials, Tarot decks, playing cards, singing bowls and offering bowls.
  • Religious symbolism. There is an exception made for religious totems which create a sense or normalcy in the person’s life in accordance to societal norms, so long as such items have been wards against magical energy by a certified Council Energetic Auditor. We the Council understand that often human communities are religious in nature, and the noncompliance to such norms has ended in some unfortunate burnings and accusations of witchcraft. We wish to ensure your safety in such matters, and if you have questions, please, of course, contact your area representative.
  • This ought to go without saying, but any item which use is exclusively reserved for magical application, i.e. magical wands, brooms, effigies, voodoo dolls, chimaera, the feet of rabbits, four-leaf clovers, shrunken gremlin heads, cauldrons. Please see the list of forbidden magical materials for more detailed information.

Note that once you hare entered the Magical Avoidance and Safeguarding Program, any such materials as those listed will be detected once they have entered the home, and at official Council Auditor will be dispatched to remove and cleanse as necessary the affected items and/or area of the home. If you suspect you have accidentally invited magical influences in, please contact your regional representative as soon as possible. Do not try to remove the magical items yourself.

 

(783 words)

 

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